In Love With Being In Love

I have noticed that there are a plethora of very successful women in their late 20’s and early 30’s who desperately want to be in a monogamous relationship, which will lead to marriage. And for some unknown reason, they cannot find Mr. Right.So of course, I have started doing some research.

First, most women do not believe that love will “just happen.” They want to do anything and everything to make it happen. Obviously, that is the reason so many online dating services are highly successful. Understand, I actually believe in the philosophy of putting yourself in the right places where you have a shot at meeting great guys.

Let’s face it, where are you more apt to meet a great guy?  Is it: A) at your niece’s school play or B) at a Harvard Yale Football game. The answer is obvious. Oh yes, there are always exceptions to the rule and you can meet your perfect mate just about anywhere. As most of you know, my husband, WJJ, was my sister Charlene’s guitar teacher. So, fate does intervene.

I have been “counseling” one of my friend’s daughters. Let’s call her Vicky. She is 27 years old, gorgeous, has an MBA, a great position and makes tons of money. She even owns her own apartment, which she paid for entirely by herself. Her package is just about perfection. BUT, she cannot seem to find the right man for her.

I know Vicky’s problem. The moment she meets a guy who seems to meet her very high standards, she decides that he is “the one.” So she changes from being that confident fabulous gal to putting this new “relationship” into her top priority list. I am convinced that Vicky doesn’t really fall in love with anyone that quickly– she falls in love with the idea of being in love.

I have started sending Vicky daily mantra’s or lessons. Yesterday’s came from the movie, “How to lose a guy in 10 days.” You may recall, the main character Andie pretended to be a whiny, needy mess. So here is the line I shared with Vicky (from Ben the supposed boyfriend that is going to dump her within 10 days). Ben: That’s what I’m talking about. Where’s the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew? Hmmm, quite telling. We know what men want.

Men (and women) always want to be with exciting independent people. And they certainly always want what they can’t have. Women should be putting themselves first while creating and enjoying the life they want–with or without a man. Yes, having a relationship can certainly be one of their goals, but NOT the driving force of every moment of every day.

What I have found is that Vicky, and many others in her age group are “slightly miserable” when they are not dating. But they become totally obsessed and completely miserable when they start dating and it’s just not going as planned. By date # 3–they want to have the “Where is this going because I’m not wasting my time” discussion. And these gals are only in their late 20’s and early 30’s. They are not exactly over the hill! And time really is not ticking all that fast!!!

I frankly have not discovered any answers yet–operative word being yet. I did text Vicky today and said, “Don’t text Steve today.” Let’s see if it works. Despite the fact that Vicky and Steve have actually only had 4 dates, Vicky is convinced that Steve’s package is perfect for her. She tells me that he is her age, good looking, comes from a great family and is a doctor. So here are my questions: 1) is Vicky in love with Steve or is Vicky in love with what she perceives as Steve’s package?   2) Does she even know if Steve is fun, or kind, or sensitive or maybe he is a mass murderer? (Just wanted to make sure you’re paying attention!)

At any rate, my advice to Vicky is simple–stop focusing on any man and start focusing on YOU, YOUR Happiness and YOUR life. The moment you do that, the perfect man will be at your front door. And if I’m wrong, so what, you’ll be enjoying your life not wishing it away.

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