Happy Holidays

It’s the holiday season!

It’s the merriest and brightest time of the year! 

That time when even people who are generally disgruntled jerks are supposed to find some short term peace and inner harmony that makes them wanna buy a huge turkey dinner for their impoverished employees whom they spent the rest of the year verbally abusing…even if they have to be tormented by a few ghosts to get there. 

Anyway, you get the point. Thanksgiving through New Years is supposed to be the one time of the year when society in general is expected to act like, ya know, decent humans. 

Enter people who are offended by everything. 

How did they even get in here? I thought I locked the door. Maybe I left a widow open? Crap. 

There’s plenty of mock outrage going around social media right now but I’m specifically referencing the “Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays” debate. We all have that one friend who aggressively posts in all caps “IT’S NOT HAPPY HOLIDAYS! IT’S MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

Ummmmm…what? Ok, let me unpack this for a moment: Someone, anyone at all, wants to send you well wishes during this special time of year and you may or may not accept their kindness based on semantics? Did I get that right? 

Holy Mistletoe, people!! Is this actual? 

I need to break this down further…

First of all, if anyone looks at me and sincerely wishes me a happy literally anything I’m going to smile and acknowledge the sentiment and give some generically appropriate response because I’m a respectful person like that. Didn’t anyone ever teach you that it’s the thought that counts?

Also, there are something like 20 different holidays that fall between Thanksgiving and New Years. Do you need me to say that again in all caps? CHRISTMAS ISN’T THE ONLY DECEMBER HOLIDAY!

I celebrate Christmas; I celebrate Christmas so hard! Other than Buddy the Elf, I’m the biggest fan that Christmas ever had. But I say Happy Holidays to everyone I see this time of year. It covers everything! Why are people so worked up over this? The phrase isn’t “Happy Holidays…but not you, Christmas. Not you. Christmas in included. So is New Years. So if I run into some random person I can be like “Hey! I don’t plan on seeing you again, like, probably ever but definitely not before New Years so I’m gonna go ahead and cover all my bases…Happy Holidays! Enjoy the absolute crap outta them!”

And another thing: I am not under the impression that everyone I come across celebrates Christmas. The idea of being nice to people includes people who think and worship and celebrate in ways that differ from your own. And isn’t it great that we have this magical blanket phrase that covers all seasonal celebrations and we don’t have to memorize the calendar? See, ALL CAPS USERS? Think of it as a cheat sheet on how to make polite conversation with everyone this time of year.

So can we cut the crap with this “war on Christmas” business? Christmas is doing just fine. If anything we’ve got a war on Halloween on our hands. Christmas starts to jam it’s festive face into our personal space in late October. And never mind Thanksgiving! If holidays were siblings Thanksgiving would be the constantly overlooked middle child. Thanksgiving is the Jan Brady of the holiday season. By the time Thanksgiving comes along it’s all about Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!

Stop hitting “share” on memes that dictate exactly how you would and would not like joy spread your way this year. Just accept the sentiment behind the words and then go and spread your own well wishes however you see fit.

And on that note, I would like to wish you a Merry and Happy EVERYTHING (in all caps)!

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