Tiffany's life-tini

We all have good days and bad days. Let’s face it, sometimes the smallest annoyance can really throw us for a loop. For example, four days ago for some unknown reason, one side of WJJ’s closet collapsed. The rod broke and everything fell to the floor. Then, last night the other side of his closet collapsed. How is it possible that we’ve been here for 13 years and suddenly for no reason the closet rods fall apart? Menehunes, I say Menehunes! Boy, WJJ was not a “happy camper” this AM.

On the other hand, my day started off really well. I was very excited about my Boston sport teams winning! Wahoo! Then I proceeded to get on my scale where my very unfriendly “scale man” announced I had gained two pounds. I didn’t eat last night, so how could I possibly gain two pounds? Oh, I almost forgot, last night during the games I did have vodka and nuts and maybe a couple of potato chips. Hmmm.

Speaking of potato chips, until recently I hadn’t eaten them in years. WJJ bought them for my UndercoverWear party (which was a huge success – the party not the chips). Anyway, I had been eating a couple of chips here and there – love that salt. Fortunately the bag of chips didn’t last long.

Then WJJ went to Costco and bought another big bag. So at night, I’ve started snacking on walnuts, almonds and cashews mixed with some crunched up chips. Great little snack! Then I wonder why I’ve gained two pounds.

Now you might be thinking ‘does two pounds really make a difference?’ The answer is yes. When one has had a weight challenge one’s entire life, two pounds seems like 200 pounds. The only time I wasn’t overweight was when I was in my early 30’s and I stopped eating. It was during my “famous” years on TV and yes, I literally stopped eating. I would move my food around on my plate and even hide one course under another. Those mashed potatoes could easily disappear under the spinach. I loved weighing 105 pounds with my hip bones sticking out and my face looking gaunt. I thought I looked AMAZING in my Bob Mackie gowns. However, photos contradict my assessment. By the way, can you say “eating disorder”? Fortunately, that phase didn’t last forever.

Anyway, let’s get back to the potato chips. Prior to the last couple of weeks, if you had asked me if I like chips, I would have answered “no”. I had convinced myself that I didn’t like chips, or chocolate, or dessert. That way it was always easy to keep from eating them. I also convinced myself that frozen yogurt is as good as ice cream, Laughing Cow Cheese tastes as delicious as Brie, and finally, I’ve tried to believe that my Miracle Noodles taste like pasta. I never did reach the point of pretending that I liked Brussels sprouts.

My worst find ever was my no-carb, no-calorie, and no-gluten bread. I would love to say that it had no taste, but in fact it did – and it was a horrible taste. I tried everything to alter the flavor. I put cheese on it, peanut butter, jam, jelly, tuna salad, you name it I tried it. Nope, it didn’t work. All you could taste was the horrible ingredients in the bread. I even gave two loaves to my friends, both of whom dumped it quickly. Oh, if you’d like to try it, I have 3 more loaves in the freezer! I’ll bet the birds won’t even eat it!

Well I’ve been busy all day so I haven’t had much time to munch. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better weight day. Never mind, I just checked and WJJ is making ravioli’s and sauce! Guess I better not step on the scale tomorrow. Or perhaps I could skip the vodka, wine, and snack tonight. That could work… On second thought, I’ll just stick with not weighing in tomorrow. I’ll be a much happier Tiffany!