What Am I Feeling?

Several people have asked why I have not written any new blogs lately.
I have lots of reasons: I’ve been traveling. I’ve been busy. I’ve been ill.

But the truth is, I’ve been lazy and uninspired.

Normally, writing is my passion. If I had a dollar for every word I’ve ever written, I’m sure I would top Jeff Bezos as the wealthiest person in the world. I think, and then I write. But, in order for me to write my Tiffany’s Life-tini blog, not only do I have to think, I also have to feel.

It can be joy, happiness, anger, sadness, humor, fear, surprise, passion, or any other emotion, but I have to feel something. And the only thing I have felt lately was the “prick” of the needle in order to get my latest blood test. Then I have to await the results of my hematocrit and iron levels and my doctor’s decision on what to do next.

You might think that I would be worrying endlessly about each blood test. But here’s the scoop: I refuse to worry about what may or may not happen.

I will not put any thought or emotion into speculating what the results might be. Over the last few weeks, for example, the results have been bad, then worse, then slightly better, and finally somewhat better.

But think about when you experience lack of thoughts and feelings. If you think of nothing and feel nothing, then there is nothing. And that is exactly why I have been unable to write anything. I feel nothing.

Instead I’ve been way too focused on eating liver—lots of liver, enjoying kale & and spinach, snacking on eggs, ordering steak that is still mooing, slurping raw oysters, cracking lobsters, eating lentils, and indulging in dark chocolate—obviously not all together. Ironically, this iron thing has been a really good excuse for me to eat lots of dark chocolate.

As mentioned, thankfully, my iron level has risen. It’s far from normal, but it’s better. That’s the good news.

The bad news is they still have no idea what caused this chaos. The even worse news is that I’ve probably gained 10 pounds. And I can just imagine what my cholesterol level is going to be. I’m sure in a subsequent doctor’s appointment, I will be told, “Congratulations, your hematocrit and iron are finally back to normal. But your cholesterol is really high. So I want you to eliminate sweets, liver, eggs, all red meat, and all shellfish.” Anyone want to take that bet?

So, I’m back … and hopefully on the road to recovery.

How can I tell? I’m writing a blog, so I’m obviously feeling better.

4 thoughts on “What Am I Feeling?

  1. Dearest Tj,
    Wishing you a speedy recover and happy that you are back to writing your blog. Glad to hear that your iron level is getting better. Thinking of you and missing you. Love, M

  2. Praying all will be fine with your blood work for whatever the Dr is looking for. I unfortunately get the uninspired and no energy. I was DX with pulmonary hypertension with blood clots 4 yrs ago, it is a chronic disease which over time continues to deteriorate my lung and heart function over time. It has put me on disability as it is to difficult some days to move and breathe! I feel so out of it about doing anything and as you know I was a real go getter and ALWAYS up to something! God Bless you with better days and great results! Love, Kathy Adinolfe

  3. Tiffany,
    I miss your inspiring words of wisdom. Your blogs remind me that we are all human no matter where we are in our lives, no matter what social status we have. So, please keep writing because your words and wisdom are being used daily and will contiue in others lives as I repeat your wisdom. Thanks for being Tiffany James!!

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