Tiffany's life-tini

I have been feeling really, old, fat, tired and quite ugly.   And to make matters worse, everything I have done lately has been really difficult. For example: This week, WJJ asked me to do an Excel project for him. That should be quite simple. As an FYI, in case you don’t know, WJJ can be quite anal so he wanted this spreadsheet done to his specifications and done perfectly.

At one point, the right hand margin and left hand margin did not match; they were off by about ½ inch. So that had to be changed. Then, one line had the subject all in CAPS, while the others were not. Change again. Next, the spacing was incorrect on one line. Change again.   Need I say more? After 7 different versions, (yes 7 –which included asking Jamie for his help), I got the damn sheet correct.

Now all I had to do was print it. Simple… oh no! My lovely printer informed me I was out of blue ink. Who cares, the sheet is in black ink. Ahhhhh….. my printer will NOT print if it is out of ANY color ink. No worries. I always have PLENTY of extra ink. Let’s see… 8 black cartridges, 4 yellow cartridges, 5 red cartridges and …… NO BLUE CARTRIDGES.   (Breathe Tiffany, breathe). So I had to send the document to Jamie so that he could print it and FAX it to WJJ as I ran out and bought blue cartridges. What should have been a 15 minute project became 4 hours of …. “REALLY?????”

Next, I’ve had a stupid rash for about three months. Three weeks ago I finally visited a well-known dermatologist. He walks in, takes one look at me, and says, “Oh that’s a Lupus rash. Well do the test to confirm.” And then he leaves the room. WTF –Lupus???? Oh come on, you ever so casually say I have Lupus and walk out? I was so shocked; I didn’t even question his diagnosis.

So I go for the blood work, nervously wait a week, while learning everything there is to know about Lupus, and then call his office. The receptionist informs me that, “Yes, the test results are “in”, but “no” she cannot give them to me over the phone. The doctor would like to see me in a week to go over the results. Well, that certainly did not calm my fears.

I very calmly explained that “No, I was not waiting another week to find out if I had Lupus”. And I would like the doctor, or someone, to call me back today with the results. She said, “OK, I’ll do my best.” So I ever so sweetly “suggested” that my statement was not really a request. I expected someone to call me. Maybe I wasn’t’ quite as sweet as I am indicating. Well, they called me back that day and no, I do not have Lupus.

Needless to say, I decided to try another dermatologist. Ok, so after waiting for over 45 minutes in the exam room while I’m sure she was administering the much more profitable botox and fillers, she came in looked at my rash and said, “Hmmmm, I’m not really sure what it is. But just in case, let’s do a biopsy.” She then added, “But don’t worry, I really don’t think it is cancer. “   Thank you very much. First Lupus and now Cancer. It’s a frickin’ rash!!!

Well I don’t have Cancer. I don’t have Lupus. I have some sort of undefined rash caused by my Lyme disease–which is EXACTLY what I told both dermatologists.

One more example of “nothing is easy”.   As many of you know, our glass doors are “electronic”. When you leave the house they open automatically. When you return, you need “the magic key”. Well, yesterday morning being the good wife that I am, I decided to go outside and get WJJ’s newspaper. As I walked out the door the glass doors shut and lock. I got the newspaper–walk towards the house and realized –I never took the key.

So there I was the “mad woman of Kahala” locked outside her house in her lovely UndercoverWear! Can’t get in –can’t go out. And needless to say, WJJ who NEVER sleeps late –decided that this day he would “sleep in”. So there I sat for 45 minutes just watching and waiting to see when Walter would come downstairs and realize I was on the outside looking in. You can imagine how I reflected on my genius during that time.

And finally from a personal perspective, I have not done any fluffing, buffing, exercising or beauty treatments in months. So back to my earlier statement, yesterday I felt old, fat, tired, ugly and now add DUMB!

Last night, WJJ and I went to Red Lobster for dinner. I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but we actually have a system. (Yes, WJJ and I have a system for just about everything).  He drops me off and parks the car. I go in, get our favorite table, and order his beer, my martini, and the lobster pizza appetizer. (Which by the way costs $12.49 and is AMAZING)

As I’m walking in, one of the wait servers said, “Oh your dress is so pretty”. (It was a simple beige cotton lace shift). Of course I smiled and thanked her. Already my day was better. Then Chris our wait server said, “Your hair is really great and I love your dress and jewelry”. OK so my day was progressing nicely.

WJJ and I had a fun dinner and again according to “our system” ordered enough food to take a “doggy bag” home of linguine and lobster (Friday night dinner). My mood had improved immensely but still I was far from centered.

As we were walking out -there was an attractive couple perhaps in their early 40’s waiting to be seated. The woman looked at me and said, “Oh look at you–you’re beautiful”. I was quite shocked and said, “Thank you that is so kind.” She very nicely responded, “No it’s not kind, you are quite beautiful.” The gentleman added, “ Yes you are.”

So to these two perfect strangers that I will probably never see again, may I say “thank you”.   Evidently God knew –Tiffany needed a little pick me up. My week has been filled with unpleasant “stuff”.   And like my astrological sign designates, I wanted to crawl into my shell and shut off the world.   Yes, I felt old, fat, tired, dumb and ugly. But thankfully, that’s not what others were seeing. For that I am most grateful. From what I believe was a sincere compliment from this lovely couple, I was able to immediately change my attitude about me. Yes it was time to pick myself up, brush myself off and start all over again.

So for today –new day, new attitude, new me. Botox anyone?

Tj