Tiffany's life-tini

Many years ago, a very wise woman shared with me that for the first 40 years of your life you spend time collecting “stuff” and the next 40 years to try to figure out how to get rid of it.  Well I’m in Phase 2 of the 40 Year rule.

As many of you know, at one time WJJ and I owned several homes. And during that stage, God forbid I had to pack a suitcase to visit. No, that was totally unacceptable. I had to have clothes, shoes, makeup, pantyhose, bras etc. in every home. I followed my friend Patsy’s cardinal rule of buying–if you find something you like buy lots of them. For my Hawaii friends, need I mention Diane Freis dresses?

So now we live in one house. As I look around, I see “stuff.” Lots of stuff –And while I’m a “dumper,” I find it difficult to get rid of certain items. So I need your help.

For example: I have about 100 handkerchiefs. Yes, you read that correctly.  Many of the hankies were given to me by WJJ’s Mother. Evidently she or perhaps her Mother crocheted the trim around them. Now how can I possibly throw away my Mother-in-Law’s memory? I thought about giving them to brides as their “something old” but didn’t think a bride would want someone else’s hanky; so much for that idea. Want a pretty handkerchief?

Next I have, oh say at least 100 pairs of satin gloves. Don’t really know how I got those. I think I wanted gloves to match my gowns, plus I evidently found a great wholesale source. So I have short gloves, medium gloves, long gloves  and extra long gloves in every color imaginable many of which have never been worn. So come on –give me a hand (get the pun) and tell me what I can do with my gloves?

Nylons –not pantyhose–nylons –you know the ones you wear with garter belts and corsets etc.  Well I’m well into the 200’s with those. Seamed nylons, Cuban heel nylons, pastel nylons, and of course black nylons I have them all.  Obviously I was much sexier “back in the day.” I went online for any suggestions about how to get rid of old nylons. Believe it or not, there are lots of suggestions for old pantyhose–none for nylons. But I did find a sight for making nylon butterflies which requires one nylon. So let’s see I have 200 pairs–so if you know someone who wants to make 400+ nylon butterflies, just have them call me.

Now let’s move onto the high ticket items. Belts–specifically Alex and Lee Belts—well again I blame my “bad influence friend” Patsy. She and I loved the belts.  So we bought lots. They ranged in price from $750 – $1500 EACH (After all it was the 80’s). Each one is like an art piece. They are still quite beautiful. Having said that, my waist has expanded by several inches and while they are stretch hmmmmm, they don’t seem to have the same beautiful appearance on my fuller, more voluptuous body. So what do I do with more than 30 of those belts?

And last but not least…the “biggies”–Bob Mackie original gowns. I am really hoping for a resurgence of the 80’s. My gowns range in price from $3,000 to $25,000–yes you read that correctly–$25,000 complete with sable trim. And where are these masterpieces, you ask… They are in Boston in a cedar closet gathering dust and getting older.  Now if you’re thinking “consignment shop”—I have tried that.

It seems when “second hand store” became “consignment shops” the guidelines changed drastically. The owners of these shops capitalize on women (like I was) who spend way too much on this season fashions and then dump them next season. So having “vintage couture” just doesn’t interest them.  They are really VERY snooty about it.  Okay lady, you own a second hand store–get over yourself.

I have disciplined myself so that every day, I dump something, sell something or give something away. But trust me I don’t have enough years left to get rid of all the things I have accumulated. Of course I do find it amusing that when you’re buying “valuables”: –even jewelry–they are priceless. And yet when you’re trying to sell the same items –they are virtually worthless.

When the day arrives that WJJ and I are no longer on this earth, I can just picture Jamie and Cheryl –Trash bags will be filled with all my wonderful collectables while a garage sale will surely feature all my precious treasures.

The sign will read –Garage Sale -featuring the Crazy Lady of Kahala Estate pieces –Belts–$5.00– Limoges Pill boxes  $10.00 and finally, Bob Mackie Originals–spend $100 and get one FREE.  Maybe I should just start wearing all my gowns –Let’s see Tiffany @ Safeway or better yet Starbuck’s in Sable….has a ring to it.  That will certainly establish that I am officially… the Crazy Lady of Kahala. Sounds good to me!